Protagonist vs New Kid


"Fuck them kids."-Michael B. Jordan 

Protagonist: Kindergarten's well...Protagonist 

New Kid: South Park's well...New Kid



Childhood: we all had, or are in one, but while little baby stupid shows and games make it seem all happy, in reality kids can go through some serious shit. Although usually not to the level of these two, which is less traumatizing and more absurd, insane, and bloody. So which kid will randomly make up a new power so they can beat you at the playground first, in this DEATHBATTLE...blog.



Background 

The Protagonist 
"..."

While not much is known about the Protagonist, the most important piece of information is that they're just starting off kindergarten, and well, it only escalates from there. Turns out, the school you're going to is actually run and inhabited by the completely batshit insane, and you're the one who has to hold this all together. Going through a variety of colorful characters, the Protagonist needs to work out all the blatant issues present in the school. Given a day or two, such a task may seem impossible, if it wasn't for a itsy bitsy convenient little detail: you're stuck in a time loop. Whether it's royally fucking everything over, or fixing things once and for all, this time loop only ends when you reach the correct ending. How do you do it? Well, this is the background section, not a run through.

New Kid
"..."

The New Kid, also known as Douchebag, or Dovahkin apparently, is the player character in both South Park: The Stick of Truth and Fractured But Whole. Although having many different possible options and variations due to the character costumization, there are still a set of events that are universally applicable. Starting off, New Kid's parents moved away from their home town, landing them in South Park, but there's more to the story than what may be expected. As revealed by Big Bag Government Guy, they actually possesed a special power: unnatural friend making capabilities, with this letting them rally all the people they have to fight for them. Will they use this great power for greatness, or for villainy? Go play the games to find out, I'm not here to tell you everything.

Experience/Skill

The Protagonist 

Despite their age, the Protagonist is wise beyond their years. Through tricking and manipulation, this tiny child can get the whole school wrapped around his finger given enough retries, and got into a class for the smartest kids. He's also adept at puzzles, and used these smarts to defeat horrifically mutated monsters. Though he still has academic faults, considering the fact he cannot read.

New Kid

To get through all the madness stored in South Park, you'd need a somewhat good head on your shoulders if you want to survive, as an outsider at least. With insanse charisma, the New Kid racked up an absurd number of followers, even as an infant. They also possess some more specific skills, like playing music, performing abortions, disarming a nuke, or gambling, with this last trick getting them into the 0.01 percentage of people.


Equipment 


Protagonist 


Explosives

From firecrackers to actual bombs, the Protagonist has picked up several explosives over the course of the games.


Poisoned Nugget 

A glorious delight that hides a sinister secret: it's poisoned, so if you can force feed someone this nugget in the middle of a fight, then it might be useful.


Knife

Not the most fancy, it's a knife that can be used to stab people.


Faculty Remote 

This device can summon Penny, who's a cyborg girl. 


Monstermon Cards

These cards have a variety of characters on them, such as a burned out star, a tornado, literally just grass, a wall, a bucket of water, a tall ass tree, or a man on fire. They can also form together to be the talismans which can turn the skies red, turn people to dust, and smite people with lightning....although this requires to be in a specific location, and we've only seen it done by Nugget.


New Kid


Costumes

Costumes mean more than just looking good, as it can also give a whole host of effects, ranging from healing, using specific weapons, reducing damage done to you, automatic forcefields that block 5 attacks, things to increase your strength, making enemies puke if they approach, gaining the ability to come back to life, or spontaneous regeneration 


Weapons 

Like any good RPG, you need a wide assortment of weapons to do different things, such as make you bleed, slow your opponent, make them weaker,  attack and defense buffs, make people puke,  stop using items, and burning people, along with bows, poisonous grenades, and of course, a basketball 


Items

And of course RPG protagonists collect countless items on their journey, such as plenty of healing items, revives, antidotes, a macaroni picture to summon Moses to help you , teleportation, cat piss that makes people fight their friends, a shield that reflects back projectiles, drones and turrets, a healing totem, and a gravity bomb.


Abilities 


Protagonist 


Timeloop

Whenever the day ends or the Protagonist dies, the day restarts, originally it was Monday, but got changed to Tuesday between games one and two, he can also take items with him at the end of the day, and they will exist with him instead of where they normally are.


New Kid


Farts

While a few are pretty much just Wario's waft, there is the collection of Time Farts, such as reverting things to a previous state on a quantum scale, freezing time, time travel, changing night to day, and even summoning past selves.


Summoning 

It can summon a plague onto the opponents.


Feats

Protagonist

Accomplishments 
  • Collected every Monstermon Card
  • Died countless times
  • Befriended Nugget 
  • Survived his games absurdity despite being a stupid idiot child 


Strength 


Speed
  • Should generally be comparable to adults in speed

Durability 
  • Scales to his strength, Kindergarten doesn't have alot of feats okay?


New Kid

Accomplishments 
  • Became too OP
  • Became a super hero 
  • Could stand being around Eric Cartman
  • Survived his games absurdity despite being a stupid idiot child 


Strength 


Speed
  • Comparable to other kids, who're able to run in tandem with grenade launchers 
  • Can match Jimmy who can run across the earth (0.05c)

Durability 


Weaknesses 

Protagonist

Being a dumb little baby they get into things they really shouldn't, and their best weapon: the talismans, we haven't even seen them use and needs quite a few preparations.


New Kid

Depending on what is chosen, sixth graders, Raisin Girls, Chaos Kids, old people, ninjas, vampires, or crab people. Any of said choice causes enemies of each class to do more damage to the New Kid.



Verdicts


Stats

So ripping a guy's head off and catching up to adults, versus rotating the earth, and running around the world. Even with weaker feats New Kid kinda just mollywhops here, it's pretty clear cut.


Equipment/Abilities 

Now THIS is interesting, with tons of armor, shields, etc., Protagonist will kinda be doing nothing, added with the pure durabillity of New Kid, plus stuff like making him puke means Protagonist isn't doing much right? Well yes, but the time loop its definitely what makes this interesting now could New Kid get past this? Maybe they could time travel to before or after the time loop, now this might work, although we've never seen time travel interact with the time loop so its not 100% what would happen. But could Protagonist actually kill New Kid? Maybe. He could use the talismans and turn them, to dust but that'll be really hard to pull off when New Kid is so much faster and stronger, and we've never seen Protagonist actually use it, and with such a obvious tell of when it happens, New Kid can just time stop and speed blitz.


Tertiary Factors

Both certainly are smarter than you'd expect from dumb idiot kids. As a comparison, while Protagonist is better at manipulation and puzzle solving, New Kid is superior in fighting prowess and versatility in skills.


Conclusion 


Protagonist 

Advantages:
  • Better manipulator 
  • Time loop provides solid protection 
  • Talismans are powerful 
  • Nugget 

Disadvantages:
  • Gets stat stomped 
  • Talismans have many set backs
  • Time loop may get countered or powered through 

New Kid 

Advantages:
  • Stronger, faster, and more durable 
  • Better combat experience 
  • Time Farts
  • Costumes and items mean what little damage done is negated and healed


Disadvantages:
  • Time loops aren't 100% able to be countered 
  • Could get turned to dust by a talisman 
While Protagonist is certainly stronger than any real person, yeah this is kinda a stomp atleast Megaman could have potentially matched base Sonic's speed. With such a stat advantage whether they can get past the time loop directly, or Protagonist just eventually quits from this fruitless battle its clear the winner is......


The New Kid

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