Deadpool vs Wilford Warfstache

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."-Orson Welles

 Deadpool: Marvel'- hey what are you doi- hey stop you- 

Me: Marvel's BEST hero!

Wilford Warfstache: Markiplier with poor fashion sense!

4th wall breaking! Trauma! Other stuff! You guys don't actually care about the start up, right? You didn't read this to actually learn something new about these characters and their similarities, you just want your opinion validated and curiosity settled. Not like I'm blaming you! The intros are never the highlight. So let's get ready to see who will win A RANDOM VS BLOG MADE BY SOME LOSERSSSSS!

That Part That Tells You the Story of Characters You Already Know

Spider-Man if He Was Annoying 

Heyyy, who did that!? You're not allowed to break the 4th wall and mess with me! That's my thing already! Oh don't mind me, I couldn't let you be the only one to break the 4th wall, that'd defeat the purpose of the MU. Fine, I stay out of your sections and you stay out of mine, deal? Deal. Okay, back to the character people care about! I was born at the young age of 0 or like my 20s if you say my comic creation is my birth. I was a mercenary, a really good one at that, but I sorta got cancer, and went into a special program that provided me with unfixable trauma, and got a great healing factor! I have also joined the X-Men, hung out with Spidey- wait, my time's closing up! I killed the Marvel universe twice, fought my multiverse versions binded with Venom, I- WATCH MY MOVIES!

Gay Disco Star

Oh, now that's childish. With that aside, I believe this is the part where I tell my story. Name was William J. Barnum otherwise known as the Colonel. I lived in a manor with my past friend Mark, and was a fantastic safari hunter, although some would say "paranoid from the upside down". After killing Mark in a rigged game of Russian roulette and murdering omy friends, only for the dead to rise, I came to the only logical conclusion all my killing means nothing and is all just a game. I was eventually caught by a detective I knew back from those murders, I let the detective see things my way and from then on I became a reporter.

The Section That Almost Never Actually Impacts the Verdict

N Sync's Secret Sixth Member 

With how universally loved I am, take my word on that, it's no surprise I have a bunch to go off of! I mean c'mon, three movies, a game, that one weird anime themed Marvel cartoon that came out recently, I'm everywhere! Since there's no clarification on what's canon here, I'm just gonna say it counts. But to appease the continity-Nazis, I still have plenty of experience in the comics. I can spot 35 weaknesses in a glance, kill off a buncha assasins like it's nothing, hell, I could beat up Taskmaster! And he's the top titty for "Street Tiers", or whatever nerds call us now. 

A Reporter? We Talking Peter Parker? April? One's That Lie To You For Their Political Views?

I've been around for over 100 years, and being alive that long means two things. 1. Overwhelming insanity, but more importantly: 2. Plenty of experience. I've outran the law for years, brought a bit of fun into everyone's lives, and also deaths, became an esteemed colonel, and built my very own robotic reporter in order to interview the whole world!

The Section Where This Gets Good 

Red Deathstroke

Obvious Overcompensating 

You can't spell Deadpool without...A, I guess. Okay maybe my name and "katana" don't share many similarities, but these things are staples! These bad boys, lovingly named Bea and Arthur...or Hall and Oates, either or, are the handiest murder dispensers around, slicing through just about any ugly mug I can find, cutting up diamonds, and even the Hulk! Consistency my ass. But if we really want some good swordplay, then there's my Carbonadium swords as well, popularized by angry Wolverine fans after losing to that Metal Gear Twink, they have the nifty ability to turn off any healing factor by slicing.

Bang Bang Shooting

In the essence of time, I unfortunately don't get to list off every gun I've ever picked up, sorry to all the readers who might be a little too interested in guns. But to make it brief, I've had pistols, machine guns,  sniper rifles, shotguns, gun swords, sword guns, I lied about the last two, but a man can dream, dammit!

Awful Music Machine

I don't care what people say, Dubstep is amazing. But that aside, I've got just about the best jukebox around, I used it to mess with that weirdo Carnage, and apparently it'll destroy internal organs when played that loud, but I couldn't hear the warning over the song!

Collateral Damage Galore

Even if assasins are meant to be stealthy or whatever, you can't have a complete arsenal without explosives. The grenades even have my face on them, isn't that cute? But grenades aren't all I've got, there's rocket launchers, sleep bombs, C4, and a nuclear warhead, Harry Truman loves that one.

Overkill and a Half

No, I'm not using Madcap's head in a fight, instead it's the Chitauri Hand Cannon he totally sniped from my pockets! This little doodad doesn't just kills you, it super kills you, blasting anyone it hits to little molecular bits.

Covering for Hitler Isn't a Good Look

It's not what it looks like! Time travel is complicated, okay? But luckily, this nifty device clears up a lotta the complications, erasing whoever it hits from time entirely. 

Okay, There's No Way This One's Standard

This is very standard as a weapon! I just uh...I just never use it! For starters, Infinity Stones are like the cornerstones to litterally everything! Sure, the Continuity Gem might be the ginger cousin of the stones, but the fact he's in the family is still impressive! With it, I can retcon any comic I like, and leave the very book I'm in.

Pink Markiplier

Pffft, Just Normal Guns?

My arsenal of weapons may be smaller than the red man's, but size isn't all that counts. With a variety of handguns, I may or may not have killed just a teensy tiny amount of people over the years. 

And You Say I'm Overcompensating 

A fashionable weapon, a French Flintlock Dagger Pistol Replica, as this user calls it, which is quite helpful because I didn't actually know what it was! Even my knives have guns on them.

The Section Where Deadpool Talks Less 

A Guy Who's Only Date Was the Voice in His Head 

The Reason He Never Goes Away

I couldn't keep doing this gig if I didn't have a little gogo juice, and by gogo juice I mean being immortal! It's a classic power of mine, ensuring that even if my head's shot off, a sword's slashed through my face, reduced to dust, and my healing's better than Wolverine's, who can grow back from disintegration. But if you somehow manage to kill me past almost nothing, I'll just come back as a ghost and kick your ass post mortem, or possess you, I'll take either, though I might wanna die again if I inherit the fashion sense. But that's not all, because with all my meta-mumbo jumbo, I'm practically immortal so long as my adoring fans keep on reading! I really hope they stop soon.

A Gimmick That's Gotten Stale 

You the whole "Deadpool writes the section on the 4th wall" but would've been funnier if I didn't take over... I'll pass the mic for a bit. Okay uh- Deadpool 4th wall stuff, right? Second only to regeneration, breaking the 4th wall is an iconic part of Deadpool's identity. Innocuous as it might sound, Deadpool's is surprisingly powerful, even with weaker applications easily allowing him to view future or past events, and up to when someone will be resurrected. At higher levels, Deadpool managed to non canonize not just an opponent, but the entire timeline they were in, sealing them in comic book form. Similarly to Gwenpool, Deadpool's even entered into Gutterspace, which is a place that transcends both the multiverse and panels as a whole.

Time Huh?

Ugh! That joke is so dead even riffing on it gets riffed on! But whatever, for some reason, I have time powers. As shown above (could they really not crop out the logo?) I stopped all those bullets in order to really assess what was going down. And by cutting through the paneling I even managed to travel through time itself! Fly high Hellcow, your sacrifice wasn't in vain.

Comic Book Nonsense

When I say I have "mind powers", most people say I have something undiagnosed, but the truth is deeper than that! Basically, as revealed in that weird multiverse arc about me, the whole Marvel continuity sorta exists in my brain, and is altered and affected by how depressed I get. For as batshit as it sounds, the Watcher surprisingly confirms it, saying all of reality is like my weird pipedreams.

Is That Jacksepticeye?

Teleportation? The Gif Doesn't Even Show That!

Don't mind him, I actually did teleport there, you just couldn't see it. But if you want more examples, I can gladly provide! I like using this power to mess with detectives especially, even teleporting all around the room if I have to. And don't ask me how, it's just one of those beautiful things that make no sense, jumbling up the when, where, why, and hows.

Great, He's a "Wacky Reality Warper" Guy Too

With how irrational reality is, is it any surprise I can toy around with it? Allowing for an easy set transition, and if anyone tries shooting me down, I can phase through, or turn the bullets into something more fun. I can also spice life and death up a bit, and practically bring people back to life! Though considering my track record, I don't do this frequently.

Looks Like I'll Have Another Bad Encounter With Mind Stuff

If you think your thoughts are safe, you might get a telepathic message to prove you wrong. I can also listen in on what you're thinking, and the secret's safe with me! Pretty weird though. Speaking of weird, I can also make my foes dance in a speedo, which is easily my strongest ability.

My Shtick's Already Dry, We Don't Need More Of It

Even if that mercenary took my idea, it goes without saying that I'm aware of you, too! After all, that whole Markiplier in Space video had me talking to you. And while it's not exactly the audience anymore, seeing the future isn't all too hard for me either.

There's Not Really a Funny Word For Resistances

Green Lantern

Mind Manipulation: Mind crap? C'mon, I'm way too jacked up in the head for that to affect me. Telepaths like Cable, Psylocke, even guys like Professor X went nuts when looking into my mind, and he could mind fuck a bird across infinite dimensions! My mind's so busted a thing that could absorb all consciousness was the least of my mental problems! 

Transmutation: My healing isn't just for regenerating limbs or whatever, but it also gets me outta weirder binds, like that time I got turned to stone.

Death & Soul Manipulation: Death's kinda my gig, which apparently helps, since an instant death spell did squat to me. Ghost Rider's supposed "Penance Stare" hurt him more than it did me. As much as it's meant to destroy souls, I didn't really get that impression.

The Jester of FNAF

Time Paradoxes: That timey wimey stuff seems more like a you guys problem than it is mine, 'cause I can be in the same room at the same time as another me just fine.

Space-Time Manipulation: Those little wormholes that apparently collapse the fabric of the universe are about as dangerous as balloons to me!

The Unga Bunga Parts

The Merc Who Unfortunately Has a Mouth

Strength

• I can yank out hearts as easy as that one scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom could traumatize kids 
• I could make history by tearing off a zombie president's head
• With my weapons I could fuck up Carnage, the one who kinda survived the Gene Bomb (3.7 Megatons-1.8 Gigatons? What kinda range is that?)
• I beat up Wolverine barehanded, and that guy gets nuked all the damn time (21.7 Kilotons)
• Of course I can't go without mentioning the times I've fought Spider-Man, who can tank a full exajoule, whatever that is (239 Megatons)
• I once shot dr strange in the face totally not a outlier
• I kicked Eternity's ass with a bit of help, y'know, the one who encapsulates all of reality! Okay fine, it may have been with an amp I lost, but you gotta admit it's cool
• Alright this is the kicker! My mind contains the entirety of Marvel Comics, for both of our time's sake, let's just link the Vs Wiki cosmology page and say "Outerversal", or whatever you nerds call it

Speed

• Dodging laser fire from robots is no biggie for me
• I disarmed an alien before the sucker could even react
• But aliens aren't the only pople I'm disarming, because I also nicked Captain America, the one who can block a camera flash
• I can dance around Cyclops's fancy optic blasts, despite the fact he can redirect the things in a nanosecond (3.33c)
• Keeping up with Spidey isn't a big issue, though all his laser dodging might say otherwise (9.3c)
• I ran from Gutterspace and back just to explain the basics to Gwenpool (Immeasurable; totally consistent)

Durability 

• I got kicked out of Krakoa with a huge explosion to boot, inclusive my ass! (30.9 Kilotons)
• I survived getting my shit rocked by zombie Abraham Lincoln, wasn't fun though 
• I've taken not one, but TWO punches from Hulk 
• A Watcher decked me in the face, and I somehow wasn't harmed by that

 Shaving Product Advertisement 

Strength

• My firearms should be comparable to practically any other gun (730 Joules)
• My terrifying mechanical replica can easily kill people
• I've punched Slenderman in a "sensitive spot"
• Despite their supposed threat to the universe, I can pop rather intrusive wormholes with ease (Universal)
• I share the same level of existence as the Actor and Narrator, who are higher dimensional beings, viewing the universe of Markiplier in Space as a fictitious acting gig

Speed

• My dance moves are much faster than bullets
• I can get changed for the pool in the blink of an eye
• As mentioned before, I view the universe of Markiplier in Space as fiction, despite the fact it contains several space-times (Immeasurable; kinda, sorta, maybe)

Durability 

• I regret to inform, but aside from enduring that clear anguish shown above, I actually don't have many durability showings 

Weaknesses? Do I have Those?

Three Movies Too Many

Surprisingly, I am not the most exemplary model of mental health. I may be prone to irrational outbursts, and in alternate universes I might've killed one or two entire universes because the voices in my head started making too much sense. I've also gotten into occasional trouble due to talking too much. I can't help the fact everything I say is super totally hilarious!

At Least I Have Movies

While I may lack some fundamental control over my powers, is there any fun knowing what's going on 100% of the time? I've also been knocked out by tasers, twice.

Verdicts 

Stats

Okay, I think I've finally shooed those two out, let's look at this all from a stabler point of view. Starting with Deadpool, befitting of his status as a Street Tier, he scales to a majority of the feats, such as Wolverine surviving a nuclear bomb at 21.7 Kilotons, Spider-Man taking an exajoule for a value of 239 Megatons, and Carnage withstanding the Gene Bomb, with a range of 3.7 Megatons-1.8 Gigatons. Paired with his 30.9 Kiloton feat, Deadpool is safely in of Town levels of power, but with scaling to Spider-Man tiers, he can get up to Mountain, and even Small Island depending on which end is used for Carnage. In comparison, while Warfstache's lower feats like his gun and easily murdering people are only high into Joule ranges, his stronger feats, such as popping the wormhole and transcending Markiplier in Space put him at Universal, and likely all the way up into Low Complex Multiversal. It's no surprise Warfstache is massively, massively stronger than Deadpool... if it wasn't for two arguments. Firstly are the feats of Deadpool taking attacks from Watcher and Hulk. Unfortunately these are somewhat far fetched, as Deadpool is just much more consistently a Street Tier, rather than boxing with Heralds. The second argument however, is much more potent. When using his "mind powers", Deadpool can affect the entire Marvel continuity, which is far higher than anything Warfstache has. Although he rarely uses it in combat, it's shown that his mind legitimately does affect reality, and could potentially easily eliminate Warfstache. So while Warfstache can more handily trounce Deadpool in stats, if the mind powers get involved, the tables will turn massively.

In terms of speed, Deadpool can tag Captain America, a light timer, and dodged Cyclops's optic blasts, despite Scott's ability to direct them in nanoseconds, clocking in at 3.33c. The gateway of Spider-Man scaling can also place Wade at 9.3c, putting him at a reliable faster than light speed. In Warfstache's corner, it's far slower, only really having bullet timing or quickly changing his clothes, getting nowhere close to Deadpool's speed. One grace Warfstache may have is the two possessing avenues for Immeasurable, but they're also rather shaky. For Deadpool, despite him running through Gutterspace, saying Immeasurable speed for Street Tiers through that is rather unreliable, and goes against far more portrayals of them being massively slower. Although Warfstache's seems more solid, considering how we don't exactly see much backing behind being Immeasurable speed for his state of existence, it's similar not something to fall back on.

In layman's terms, Deadpool is massively faster, but Warfstache is infinitely stronger, though Deadpool does have the capability of power insanely beyond Warfstache's scope.

Arsenal/Abilities

In terms of arsenal, Deadpool has Warfstache undeniably beat. His huge variety of guns, bombs, and trusty swords beat out a couple of handguns and a fancy knife by a longshot. The only major issue is that most of his weapons won't actually damage Warfstache due to his transcendental durabillity...keyword being most. While he rarely uses the Comtinuty Gem for combat, things like the Chitauri Hand Cannon and the Time Travel Gun could completely annihilate Warfstache, and leave not even a trace of his existence. Despite his Acausality, the Time Travel Gun is still existence erasure, and would obliterate Warfstache regardless, since it hits the first part of his timeline and works upwards, it'll eventually hit him in the present. The molecular destruction of the Hand Cannon also bypasses Warfstache's defenses without much argument. Considering his speed advantage, Deadpool's likelihood of hitting with these weapons is heightened.

As for abillities, Warfstache has a variety of helpful tools, but they ultimately can't net him the win in the long run. His phasing and teleportation certainly could let him evade Wade's onslaught, but due to his unstable understanding of his powers, and the fact he's been caught off guard by weapons before, he'll get struck sooner or later. And as impressive as reality warping sounds on paper, it's only really been shown to transition the screen, or the aforementioned phasing. More archaically, the precognition may actually help in dodging attacks, but due to the speed difference and unreliability, it's again, not super useful. One power that might actually be detrimental is telepathy, because if Warfstache looks into Deadpool's mind, it'll either instantly force him out, or drive him so crazy he'll wish for death, like what happened to Charles Xavier. In Deadpool's court, he has much better options. While time powers are no use, his regeneration and immortality means he's never really going down, and if he is, he can just take Warfstache over as a ghost. Things such as seeing Wildord's past and future or non canonizing his timeline just add more salt to the wound. And similar to stats, Deadpool's mind powers mean it's pretty much curtains.

Tertiary Factors 

While neither are dumb, despite their demeanors, Deadpool is certainly more skilled. To give credit where credit is due, Warfstache has plenty of murder experience, and has built artificial intelligences in the past, but Deadpool's one of the best mercenaries in the Marvel Universe, leaving even Taskmaster dumbfounded, the guy who's skilled enough to replicate any fighting style with a look.

Conclusion 

Deadpool 

Advantages:

• Much faster on safer ends
• Far more experienced and skilled
• Chitauri Hand Cannon and Time Travel Gun allow for durabillity circumvention 
• 4th wall powers provide information and further wincons
• Immortality would keep him in the game far longer
• Mind powers allow for easy win 
• His insanity hard counters telepathy
• Continuity Gem would grant another instant wincon...

Disadvantages:

• Infinitely weaker physically 
• Much of his arsenal gets tanked
• Time manipulation is ineffective
• ...if he ever used it 
• Arguably less stable 

Wilford Warfstache

Advantages:

• Immeasurably stronger physically 
• Resists Deadpool's time manipulation 
• Teleportation, phasing, and precognition help him hold out longer
• Probably better at making robots 
• Much of Deadpool's arsenal is inert

Disadvantages 

• Far slower on reliable ends
• Deadpool's stronger weapons bypass durability advantage
• Can't permanently put Deadpool down
• Telepathy may result in a swift loss 
• Lacks resistance to much of Deadpool's 4th wall hax
• Stands no chance against the mind powers

With two characters as insane as this, it's no surprise there was a lot to cover, but through immortality, speed, and sheer versatility, Deadpool managed to get past Warfstache's immense durability and strange abilities. The winner is- THE WINNER IS...

Me!

Wait what do you mean that random indie game salesman broke the fourth wall for the end of a blog first?!